Maple bacon cookies should be shaped like pigs after all.
Ain’t No Girl Scout Cookies are the the answer to the thin mint-
except it’s a chocolate sugar cookie sandwich
fused together with chocolate peppermint frosting
drizzled with chocolate peppermint ganache
topped with a chocolate mint leaf dredged in sugar
Okay so maybe its not much like a thin mint at all,
You were lackadaisical when precision was needed.
You tried something new,
Bent the rules.
Your candied bacon cookies spread into giant, thin, sugar disks
Only to be salvaged by ice cream
Yes, if eaten quickly enough they can cradle vanilla ice cream rolled in candied bacon and pecans
If after one cookie sandwich
you abstain from eating another
You’ll return to them the following day
and find the cookie crumbles in your mouth
Before you even chew
Every granule of sugar embedding itself on your tongue
Falling apart like a praline
So now you’ve spent hours in front of the stove
A pound of bacon
And more brown sugar than you care to count
And you haven’t the heart to throw them away
Nor do you have the humility to give these half ass cookies to anyone
This isn’t how you want to introduce people to your baking, is it?
You pop them in the freezer, your own cryogenic experiment.
You brainstorm on what future dessert they are waiting to become.
You pulse the cookies in a food processor.
Add brown butter and press into a pie pan,
Place it back in the oven.
You mix cream cheese with white chocolate pudding
You sprinkle in shaved chocolate and more candied bacon
When the reinvented cookie crust is baked and cooled
You fill it with the cream cheese concoction
You bite into it
You have turned lemons into lemonade, (again).
I stood and debated, butter or oil? Butter, your last two sticks of butter, one last batch of cookies… or follow the recipe and use oil. “You have plenty of oil,” I thought.
Pulling the cookies out of the oven I was so hopeful. Then I tasted them.
Let’s begin with the texture: chewy and thin- which is not a good combo. Give me a thick, big bite to mull on.
Next, flavor: a one dimensional cookie, sweetness. Sugar floats everyone’s boat, that’s why we’re here right…? but if all we wanted was sugar we’d have eaten the Butterfinger bites by the fist full straight from the bag.
I corrected course, by topping each cookie ball before baking, with kosher salt.
The result: an added layer of, “Oh, my God, what did I just devour and can I have another?”
Moral of the post: trust your taste buds and take a risk. Sweet and salty always over comes simple glucose.
I’ll be the thirty-awesome year old in the cupcake backpack.
In case you wish to eat an entire box of cereal in one sitting, first melt butter and gingerbread flavored marshmallows (or plain marshmallows if you ate the gingerbread ones in December like a normal person) into the creamy consistency they were born to be. *Melted marshmallows is the reason why God created Food Scientists.
Stir in cereal. Press into pan.
Eat one sticky, crunchy, bite after the other until all you have left to show for your efforts is the hardest to clean bowl ever.