How to Burn 24 Cupcakes at Once

When alcohol gets involved bad things can happen. And bad things did happen…

Birthday Cupcakes

The Filling

1) Add one cup of milk, one cup of  raspberry cheesecake liquor, a glug or two of vodka, and an instant pudding mix into a ziplock bag.

2) Shake.

This makes clean up and injecting the cupcakes easier. Yeah, we’re injecting a boozy filling into these cuppers. You can substitute Baileys, if you don’t miraculously stumble upon the above mentioned booze like I did at #Aldi.

3) Refrigerate.

The Cupcake

1) Replace the water called for on the back of the box ,with 2 cups of raspberry cheesecake liquor and a splash of vodka.

2) Follow recipe as usual. Like to the T. Don’t do what I did.

3) Line your pan with cupcake holders and fill. All twenty-four of them. You know the pan that if you mess up, you reunion everyone of ’em. Yeah that pan, use that pan.

4) Even though you know better than to multitask– clean up your house while your cupcakes bake.

5) Bake at 350. Don’t consider that it’s the first time you’re baking in your new kitchen. With an old oven. Forget how much electric ovens suck.

6) Ignore the campfire essence emitting in the air, because if you ignore it, it’ll go away right? If you don’t acknowledge it, its not real right?

7) Open the oven to rotate your babies and let the heat hit your face with an intensity the catapults your eyes shut and fuses your bottom and top lashes together.

8) Proceed to wash dishes while you wait. What’s that? Is that a charred s’more in the air I detect? Damn it.

9) Remember your roots. Remember that you came from nothing. Remember the time you passed a bowl of milk around to your brothers and sisters adding more cereal but no more milk because there wasn’t enough for everyone. You aren’t about to pitch your babies. Those cupcakes are for your friend. It’s her birthday. And there’s booze in there! Good, special occasion, rare, booze!

10) Cut the bottoms off of every one of those suckers. Every single one.

11) Fill a squirt bottle or ziplock bag fitted with a piping tip with the filling.

12) Plung your instrument of choice into the “new cupcake top.” Watch as they teeter precariously on their curved bottoms.

Frosting.

Oh you didn’t brink your butter to room temp?

1) Stick those puppies in the oven- that f*cking oven that just destroyed a quarter inch of every f*cking one of your cupcakes.

2) When softened cream in mixer.

3) Melt the reason worth living in the microwave with milk. White chocolate chips.

4) Add about five cups of powdered sugar. Add more booze.

And that’s how you salvage burnt birthday cupcakes. You’re welcome. 

booze cupcakes

frost. eat. share. love. And don’t forget to tell me about your kitchen catastrophes! 

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