Butter is so expensive I’m like “I guess I’m not a baker anymore.”
As a result of inflation, this crust is made from a box of Jiffy. The instructions call for 5 tablespoons of water. I subbed it out for some cinnamon vodka that I made so long ago I forgot that it existed.
The filling is based on this recipe. I added one tablespoon of cream sherry from Missouri’s oldest winery.
I also cut out many, many flower petal shapes and applied them. Half way through, I decided to mix in some butter to the dough- because I’m still alive and butter belongs in pie dough- no matter how cheap you are.
When your dearest friend can’t have enriched flour (you know the main ingredient in everything that comes in a box) you make her an organic birthday cake.
When she speaks longingly of a cake donut, and how she misses them so, you make her an organic cake donut birthday dessert. You dig out the center and fill it with her favorite jam.
When she lights up in delight at even the cheapest novelty flamingo, you grace that cake with the pink bird’s long neck and fluffy wings.
When your fondant skills are lacking you cover those flamingo wings with buttercream roses.
In homage of all the cheers you’ve shared over Manhattans and Old Fashions, you make simple syrup with raw sugar and spike it with bourbon, bitters, and vanilla. Then you drizzle it all over that sucker.